Sailing...

It's funny, I try so many things to make me happy, and make me feel unlonely. This week I spent alot of money on such a small thing - an ipod. Though I absolutely love it, I find myself secluding myself even more from the rest of society, captivated in my own little world... still alone.

Material possessions do not provide satisfaction. Maybe for a little bit, I got excited. I was very excited the morning I ordered it and as I got it and put songs in it. But the excitement was soon over. (I am not trying to get rid of my ipod.)

What will bring me joy? What will satisfy me? Yes, the Father. Oh how I love Him, and oh how I love meeting with Him. He does provide me with a peace that passes all understanding. I am not asking for more. Because there is nothing outside the Father that could possibly do more for me. But I continue to be lonely.

I do not want to go home. Every time I go home, I feel odd. I already feel a sense that I don't belong there. I enjoy spending time with my Sarah... she is so wonderful. However, not always will I be able to see my Sarah when I go home. I feel that people at church think horrible things of me though I know that's not true. I hate these terrible thoughts that come to my head that tell me what a loser I am and that no one wants to be my friend.

My friend. I want a friend. How can I possibly make friends that are my age that have the same heart as I do that love God that are open-minded that are willing to DIE for Father.

I'm being a lonely loser again. I am not going home this weekend.

Tschus.